Christmas Tree-son

Hey, you! Do you find "nature" problematically pagan? Do you doctor secular Christmas hymns to make them about religion? ("Chestnuts roasting on an open fire/Just like people do in Hell...") Is your living room lacking in crucifixion imagery?


Then have I found the tree for you.

The inventor calls it the CHRIST-mas tree. (Get it? Because the word "Christ" is in Christmas, but people say it like "Chris" because clearly they're on the wrong side of the war.) It can be yours for $400 -- pricey for a plastic tree, perhaps, but how else will you teach your kids about the first Christmas, when the disciples hung commemorative Ronald McDonald ornaments on the cross?

For the CHRIST-ian on a budget, they offer this reimagined holiday wreath for $60. Because circles? Also pagan.

The Worst Nativities Money Can Buy

Behold, the Jawa Nativity...
... the Leprechaun Nativity...

... the Sad Cat Nativity...

... the Inflatable Nativity...
... the Naked Troll Nativity...

... and so, so many others. I couldn't love this bad nativity round-up more -- unless it had buy links.

Suffer the Little Children

Bible verse baby rompers for your little Jesus freak. Seriously, what's with all the Christian ducks lately?

O Little Ducks of Bethlehem

Rubby ducky nativity set, part of Ship of Fools' "12 Days of Kitsch-mas."

Do You Want to Be the Top Hat, the Scottie Dog, or Buddha with a Machine Gun?

In a blatant (and successful) attempt to offend, "Playing Gods: The Board Game of Divine Domination" pits armed religious figures against one another in a battle for converts. S. Brent Plate of Religion Dispatches thinks the comparison of religion to a game is an apt one:

Through creative or coercive means, convincing others to follow your way/world and not another has been fundamental to Christianity since the time of Constantine, fundamental to Islam since the time of Muhammad, and fundamental to Buddhism since the Bodhi-Dharma left for the East. There is a certain primal desire to suggest to others that “my world” is the right one. Games, and religions, are about creating ever-new worlds, accompanied by the enticing suggestion to come to my world to play.

Color Your Own Crucifixion

With the Holy Heroes "Road to Calvary" coloring book, you can use your crayons to illustrate all fourteen stations of the cross. Make Jesus look Mauvelous as he stumbles from pain, and Radical Red as he's stripped of his garments! Should the nails in his hands be Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown or Robin's Egg Blue? Christianity + Crayola = endless possibilities!

Download your free sample page here!

(Coincidentally, Holy Heroes is also the name of this lovely blog about superheroes and religion.)

He Died So That We Might Rock Out

Introducing the cross MP3 player necklace. Let's make a playlist!

Tori Amos, "Crucify"
Black Sabbath, "Headless Cross"
Cheater, "Nailed"

Other suggestions?